Why?

Why do I still think of him? Why can I not let go of the past? He is so far away and yet so near in many ways...

I have been meaning to return what is rightfully his, but yet I cannot. Is it because it is the last bit of him I have? I do not know...still his treasure sits in the box it came in nearly five years ago. I look at it every once in a while and I am not sure what I feel.

I try to make myself believe I hate him but its just one big lie and I know it. Most of the time I blame everything on him. It works both ways. In essence it is equally my fault, if not more...

Ugh...I feel stupid typing all of this depressing shit.