I am such a fool. Why is it that I get so excited when things are going well for me? It never works out in the end. It is the same this time. I will not be getting the new job I was told was mine. Today I received a phone call from my ex-future employer. Because my mother works there I am not allowed to work there. WTF? One of the reasons I was hired was because of my mother and now some fucked up rule says I cannot work there because of it...
Now I have to tell everyone the fucked up story and I have to remain at the diner. I was so hoping to be out of there. My employers have been very good to me, but I do not want to be there for the rest of my life like the rest of the staff.
I knew it was too good to be true. This ALWAYS happens. The past 20 years of my life have been shit. I have a family who is only there when they want to be. I gave my heart and soul to a man who told me he loved me and yet he did not love me enough to see me. Instead he sits with true love of his life: freaking video games! He entered my life 5 years ago but I cannot get him out of my mind. For someone who loved me so very much, how is that he made me feel so completely worthless?? Fuck him. I will never see him for he is miles upon miles away stuck in front of his xbox, and now I have someone who really loves me. Its just so hard to give him my full attention sometimes because of my messed up head.
Ugh...just got to keep my chin up I guess. I do not want to be worthless. I got another 50 or 60 years to make life better. Lets see how that works...
********************
One good thing that always stems from my depression is that it gets me motivated to create some art. I drew the rough for my next installment of the "Bird Ballerinas", The Raven:
(To be done in acrylic on canvas)
Now I have to tell everyone the fucked up story and I have to remain at the diner. I was so hoping to be out of there. My employers have been very good to me, but I do not want to be there for the rest of my life like the rest of the staff.
I knew it was too good to be true. This ALWAYS happens. The past 20 years of my life have been shit. I have a family who is only there when they want to be. I gave my heart and soul to a man who told me he loved me and yet he did not love me enough to see me. Instead he sits with true love of his life: freaking video games! He entered my life 5 years ago but I cannot get him out of my mind. For someone who loved me so very much, how is that he made me feel so completely worthless?? Fuck him. I will never see him for he is miles upon miles away stuck in front of his xbox, and now I have someone who really loves me. Its just so hard to give him my full attention sometimes because of my messed up head.
Ugh...just got to keep my chin up I guess. I do not want to be worthless. I got another 50 or 60 years to make life better. Lets see how that works...
********************
One good thing that always stems from my depression is that it gets me motivated to create some art. I drew the rough for my next installment of the "Bird Ballerinas", The Raven:
(To be done in acrylic on canvas)
No comments:
Post a Comment