Jason Wu et de se sentir bleu

WARNING!!!!

This blog post contains annoying rants and depressing things. If you wish not to read about a young woman's sad and stressful life, then do not continue. HOWEVER...if you want to see some pictures you can just scroll down some...

************************************************************************************

Hmm...I really wish that I would post more often but it seems I am either to depressed to do so or I just have nothing of interest to post anyway. Trying to find some brighter stuff to talk about but the past 4 years (especially the last 2) have been very hard to handle.

About a week ago I found out from my younger sister that my mom went "crazy" and called my stepfather who she has not spoken to in a year because of legal issues and the fact that the man is pure evil. However, she apperently called him and left an insane voicemail of how she was going to kill herself. And she did try...

Yes, attempting suicide is terrible, but what is even worse is that I did not find out until days after the incident happened. I asked my sister if she had heard from mum, and she told me the whole story without batting and eyelash and talking as though we were discussing the weather!

THAT IS RIDICULOUS!

I imagine my sister is no longer fazed by the stuff my mother does, because she has always been very emotional and tends to do extreme things. What I don't understand is that no one in my family thought it would be a good idea to let me know. Alas, I guess it does not matter because the last thing my sister told me was that our mother does not care about us. My mother literally said that to my sister. I tried to play it off that it was not true. Yet tears streamed down my face right in the middle of my shift at work.

I feel so embarrassed, lonely, and pathetic when people at work ask me how my mother is (we work together and she has been out for awhile due to surgery). I rarely get to talk to her so I never know how she is doing. I always just lie and tell everyone she is fine. But I know she is not fine. I just wish I knew how to help her.

A few days ago I had happened to meet my mother. She said she wanted to get together for lunch because she had not seen me for awhile. She did not mention her accident, nor did I. I was excited. But when I got there we just sat in the parking lot for about 15 minutes and then she had to leave. I realized then that she was only interested in getting the $220 I owed her...My brain literally melted and my heart froze. I don't even remember how I got home.

**********************************************

"Home"

Now that is another story. Living here with my boyfriends family has been really hard. Being that they are Spanish I find it difficult to communicate and the culture to be different and not really me. I spend a lot of time cleaning or sulking in the house. I am normally doing one or the other. Mostly I sulk because the house always gets dirtied by the young boys right after I am done cleaning it. It drives me insane! I cannot focus on things and I become so stressed out living in a messy environment. My hair has even started to fall out! Still ...I do not know what to do. The children just are not disciplined enough.

I wish there was somewhere else I could go, but I have no family or friends that want me. At this point I am not even sure I would be able to be someones roommate. I am just fed up with having to deal with other people and their messes. The only thing I can do at this point is to work as hard as I can to get my own place. My beloved has started his new job today and so we will be able to reach that goal sooner with two decent incomes. Soon soon I must leave here or I feel I will surely have a breakdown. Lord and Lady knows how close I was to that last night...

BUT...

I have a little activity that helps me cope with things. I just hope that it does not get out of hand. Can you guess what that activity could be? If you guessed shopping, then you are correct! Hmmm..it seems I have a weakness for cute clothes and anything fashion related. Lately I have been trying to appear more feminine to make myself feel better. Normally I am just so lazy to do anything that I end up looking plain and boyish. I do not feel beautiful like that. So...I picked up some pieces from the lovely and adorable Jason Wu Collection. Excuse the poor photo quality...:

(Aqua Cardigan that I love)

(Pretty Jason Wu blouse. However it wrinkles easily :( )

(Adorable pleated skirt. It goes down just over my knees. I am too shy to wear anything too mini, but I might get some slightly shorter skirts later on.)

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!... :

I painted my nails today. Even attempted to glue little jewels on. Hope they don't fall off...

(My fingers look fat and stubby here. My nails look short too :( )

Okay okay... I am finally done complaining. I feel better now :) Sorry you had to deal with all that crap haha.

I hope everyone is well.