It seems that the days are going by so fast...and yet so slow. Events that have happened years ago and ones recently have left me in this state. I look out the window and I see the bright sun. I yearn to feel its warmth...and yet when I step outside it grows dark and cold. I have lost a lot of desire to do things, especially with my painting and drawings. I try so hard to paint and draw...but I am never happy with anything. Nothing turns out the way I hoped it would or even remotely close to that...
Other things plague me as well. I do not have a single friend. Not a true friend anyway. When my day is dark and I need someone to talk to, I have no one. Countless faces and names cross my mind...but I know none of those people want to be bothered by my troubles. They wish not to even converse with me on in a normal happy setting...I do not think there is anything particularly wrong or peculiar about me. Perhaps in my almost twenty years I have just grown far too different from my peers. Most people my age seem so ill mannered and dull. It is difficult to want to interact with them, yet I still try and I am sure I am open minded when it comes to meeting new people. I just do not want to be alone any longer...yet it seems that I will be that way for sometime yet. I have so much love I am willing to give. It is a beautiful love that is free, eternal, and true. Still it seems that no one wants my friendship...
Ugh...
I do feel better now though. Hopefully my next posts will be more cheerful. My spirits do rise with the thought of me learning how to sew. Next semester I wish to take a sewing class. I do not have much money to dress as I please...and not many stores sell what I like around her anyways. However, if I learn to sew I will be able to make lots of pretty things for myself and maybe even for others.
In a few hours I will sleep and a new day will begin. Hopefully my morning tea will warm my heart and make they day go a little better. I do not like being this way...
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