Monday, May 31, 2010

The Fire Burns


The Entwined
(inverted)


It seems that summer is here. No matter what dark corner I find, the heat finds me. More than anything I want to draw...but my hands are too moist to even hold my pencil straight and strong. A certain young lady has inspired me to create a piece. The image is in my mind and I know I will not lose it...but I need to draw it now!!! Once I am finished I will present it to this young woman and hopefully she will like it. Perhaps I will attempt to draw it in her artistic style. It is quite different from my own...though I am not sure I have even developed a style of my own yet :(

Meh...I still need to find a second job. Sometimes...well most of the time...I just wish I could sit under the night sky and draw by candle light. I shall converse with the crickets and the fairies and be quite at peace with myself. It would be nice to have a friend to share the experience with however that situation is still not looking all that good for me. No longer can my imaginary friends suffice. They disappeared years ago and I am not sure how I made it this far without any real friends. It is for certain that I am need of a real friend. One with flesh, fears, dreams, and exceptional beauty. I am not talking necessarily about appearances but more of the inner beauty in which I can pull my inspiration from. I need a muse...and soon...or I shall feel that my heart is broken and my mind is lost...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Late Nights and The Lead Magician

It is quiet here within these walls and I lay awake working on a drawing that I so desire to finish soon...though I want it to be perfect!

In October of 2009 I had this AMAZINGLY realistic dream. When I woke up I was able to recall smells and my fingers could still feel the things in which I touched. I was compelled to write down as much of it as I could remember lest I forget everything. After rereading what I had written, it began to form a bit of a short story. So if there is anyone out there that stumbles upon my page, I hope that they find this story/dream entertaining. My drawing of it will hopefully be finished within days......

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My dream began with my walking around in the really dark store. At first I could not make out what was in the store until my eyes adjusted and I heard noises of animals. The smell of death was in the air, and when I looked into the cages most of the animals were dead. The ones that were still alive were eating the bodies of the dead.

Eventually I decided I had seen enough and I found a door that led outside. That door took me out into what looked like a large city. It was loud with traffic even though it was late at night. The alley in which I entered was quite dark and I grew a bit uneasy, so I began to walk out of it. As I drew closer to the corner I heard footsteps behind me, so I turned to see a shadow that was far away but still too close for comfort. My pace quickened and as I made it around the corner I heard the shadow start to run after. Now extremely frightened, I begin to run. Whoever is chasing me is so close now. Finally, somehow I make it to a door and it is unlocked. I run in and just as I cross the threshold, I feel fingers brush my hair.

My heart is about to beat out of my chest at this moment. I can see the person behind the door. He is a wild looking man and his hand is pressed against the pane of glass. He shakes his head before stepping off the porch with an evil grin upon his lips.

I sink into a chair as tears pour down my face. In the darkness I here a voice call out to me. "No need to cry. Everything is alright now" (says a man who sounds almost exactly like the original Frankenstein from the Death Race movie...SEXY!)

Completely unaware there was anyone in that room, I look across from me to the couch. I find what appears to be a tall and well built man sitting there. However he is wearing a mask and his attire is unusual. His pants are black and tight against him and his large hands are hidden inside white gloves. The shirt he wears is silky and purple in color with white ruffles below the neck.

"Can I get you anything?" he asks me. "Water? Food? A place to rest? A good book...I have many of them..."

"Um h-how about the most... nutritious of all those?" I manage to stammer.

"Breakfast it is!!!" he says as he rises from the couch.

Even with his large size he makes not a sound as he pulls himself away from his seat and moves to the fireplace. He placed a few pieces of wood on top of the old embers. I heard him grimace in pain as he clutched his arm.

"Are you alright?" I asked my new friend with my still shaking voice.

"Hmm? Yes, I am well!" he said with what I am sure was a smile behind that mask. "Could you hand me some lead over there, Star?"

"You know my name? That is not fair for I do not know yours. How do you know my name?" I said as I got up from my seat and grabbed a piece of heavy shiny material and handed it to the man.

He chuckled to himself and broke the lead into smaller pieces quite easily and through them onto the wood. He turned towards me and snapped his fingers. Almost immediately a fire appeared in the fireplace.

I was in awe and hardly noticed that he was now standing just inches away from me. I snapped out of it when I felt the warmth of his body radiating towards me. "Well Star, I know a lot about you and many things. I mean look at where I live..."

With the room now containing more light, I looked around. The walls seemed endless and on each wall, were many bookcases. There appeared to be more books then people I have met throughout my entire life. I could get happily lost here I thought. My attention was broken by his voice again...

"Also being a Lead Magician has its perks you know..."

"You still have not told me your name. You have one right?" I pressed.

He seemed to have starred at me for a short time. I was curious as to what his eyes were like behind that mask of his. I bet they were warm and loving. He then turned to look at his books.

"Its lost somewhere within all of these pages. If you find it I will give you something very special to me. No one has ever claimed it for their own before." he said softly and quietly.

"What is it?" I asked anxiously.

"My heart. I know it is not much, however it is all I have to give."

"Why would you give me your heart and why would I want it?" I blurted out.

He leaned just ever slightly closer to me. He did not say a word but my heart fluttered again. Only it was not in fear of anything. I did want to love this nameless man...

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Sadly this is all that I remember before being woken up to have Life shoved down my throat. I do hope that one day I have this dream again and that it goes further. Luckily, that often happen to me C:

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Star Stealing Girl

It seems that the days are going by so fast...and yet so slow. Events that have happened years ago and ones recently have left me in this state. I look out the window and I see the bright sun. I yearn to feel its warmth...and yet when I step outside it grows dark and cold. I have lost a lot of desire to do things, especially with my painting and drawings. I try so hard to paint and draw...but I am never happy with anything. Nothing turns out the way I hoped it would or even remotely close to that...

Other things plague me as well. I do not have a single friend. Not a true friend anyway. When my day is dark and I need someone to talk to, I have no one. Countless faces and names cross my mind...but I know none of those people want to be bothered by my troubles. They wish not to even converse with me on in a normal happy setting...I do not think there is anything particularly wrong or peculiar about me. Perhaps in my almost twenty years I have just grown far too different from my peers. Most people my age seem so ill mannered and dull. It is difficult to want to interact with them, yet I still try and I am sure I am open minded when it comes to meeting new people. I just do not want to be alone any longer...yet it seems that I will be that way for sometime yet. I have so much love I am willing to give. It is a beautiful love that is free, eternal, and true. Still it seems that no one wants my friendship...

Ugh...

I do feel better now though. Hopefully my next posts will be more cheerful. My spirits do rise with the thought of me learning how to sew. Next semester I wish to take a sewing class. I do not have much money to dress as I please...and not many stores sell what I like around her anyways. However, if I learn to sew I will be able to make lots of pretty things for myself and maybe even for others.

In a few hours I will sleep and a new day will begin. Hopefully my morning tea will warm my heart and make they day go a little better. I do not like being this way...