e Clérambault's

I watched a very interesting French movie today...


À la folie... pas du tout
(He loves me...He loves me not)

Ever since I saw The Davinci Code I have had a small crush on Audrey Tautou.

I swear I am not a erotomanic!!!!

"Though my love is insane
my reason calms the pain in my heart

 
It tells me
to be patient and keep hoping..."

-An erotomaniac confined
for over fifty years

Froid du vent

OY! I cannot believe how cold I am. Alright... yes I can because it appears I am always this cold. Even a corpse is warmer than me I am sure...

Well my body is back to its ol' self again. The aches that pained me have diminished and gone entirely after only a few days. It still troubles me that I do not know what the exact cause was from. Oh wells I guess I should just be happy that I am no longer in pain.

Ugh I have so much I need to do tomorrow. Hand in applications, call the vet, look up grants, etc... I still also have to get homework done. My first day of class was on Monday and it went alright. We just do the silly introductions:

"Hello everyone! My name is Patricia. My major is Graphic Design, and I am taking this class because blah blah...My favorite animal(s) are the Fennec Fox and Swans..."

I honestly do not know why my professor had us state our favorite animal but it did turn out some interesting results. We found out though one girl was working on becoming a journalist she really wanted to be a mortician o.o and also her favorite animal was H.P. Lovecraft's "Cthulhu".

He is sort of cute I guess... :P

Another interesting thing that happened is that I saw a very old friend. My very first friend actually. When I moved up here 9 years ago I left her and my other best friend behind and was very saddened. We were like the Three Musketeers. In the beginning we remained in touch via phone and the occasional visit but eventually it was hard to get a hold of her. Each time I called she was "busy" and so we spoke for just a few minutes. It really hurt me that I had been forgotten. After a year or two of feeling very depressed and alone I sent her a letter explaining how hurt I was. I got a phone call from her a short time later where she explained she was sorry and she loved me and we would always be friends. We scheduled a day to get together and had a great day. Alas, shortly after that I was once again brushed under the rug...

Seeing her there was like a dream. It just did not seem real. She looked at me and her eyes grew wide. "Oh my God" escaped her lips and she hugged me. She was so excited to see me and I was happy to see her as well. However, it felt awkward. As much as I loved her I hated her for making me cry endlessly many times over many years... And now I get to see her every Monday and Wednesday for a few months in which after she will forget all about me again...

"The Three Musketeers"
Us during our one happy year...


Now it is just me...

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Though it seems I have a pencil in my hand everyday, it feels like I have very little to show for. I have so many ideas but I just cannot seem to pick which one I want to get down on paper. There is progress though and as long as I stay positive I will improve and create more!!! However, before that I better finish my homework tehehehe!


Updated work in progress of "Tinsel"...I still have a great deal of shading left to do.

Douleur et l'agonie

My health is really starting to worry me...

Everyday I sleep 10-12 hours when the average person gets 7. When I wake up I feel as though I could go right back to a deep dream filled sleep, but I know there is stuff to be done so I somehow manage to pull myself out of bed.

When I woke up today I swore someone had kicked my ass while I was asleep. It hurt to sit up. My inner thighs, butt, and lower back ached something terrible. It was difficult to get up, to sit, and to even bend over slightly. After a thorough self examination I found no lacerations, bumps, bruises or anything that could have explained why I felt so terrible. Yesterday I had a great day with my dear friend Nick, but I did not do anything that would justify such pain.

Perhaps it is because I sleep on the couch (nah, I am probably dying)? It is far too cold to sleep in the master bedroom (though the queen size bed is by far the most comfortable thing I have ever slept upon!) and so the living room couches is where we fall asleep. I have decided that tonight I will carry extra blankets with me and sleep in the bedroom. Maybe that will help me to feel better. I just hope that I do not feel worse in the morning! OTL

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There is a possibility that I may be getting a second job starting in Febuary. My mother's work is hiring and there is a good chance that I will be hired. Everyone there agrees that my mother is by far the hardest worker there and I am sure they will be excited to have a mini her, haha!

I just hope that I do get this job and that it works well with my school and current work schedule. With two jobs and school there will not be much time for a "life". Not like I have one anyway. I just sit in this cold lonely house most days...

Ah wells...
Work first, play later.

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"Tinsel"
A W.I.P of my friends original character.

Chiffon

As of last year sometime I have been a part of a group called Sword Tag. Sword Tag is a Venture Crew sponsored by the Boy Scouts of America. We participate in mock medieval combat, making of weapons and armor, camping, community service, and just good old fun. The only downside is that I am the only female in the group. UGH! Haha...anyways the group is pretty complex with levels, ranks, teams, and tournaments.

Just this past week a new team has been made. The Purple/Black team. I was purchased to be a part of the new team! Rather excited because I was not sure if anyone would want me on their team. There is still the initiation I have to go through but once I do that I will be Level 5 already! I think I may become a Priest, that way I can "heal/resurrect" my team members.

Anyways...we were in Allentown again looking for fabric to make the team flag. Haha...well Joanne's did not have the selection of purple I was expecting. Took an hour and a half to find a decent fabric and it is still not the best. It will do however for the team flag.

Though I do not have a vast knowledge of armor and its construction I am trying to draw up designs for my own. However, I want to make the piece look feminine and Chris says that removes all practicality of the armor. I cannot win haha...

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Trying to focus more on my art. A lot of things have been bothering me lately and I am not sure what else to do. So...I will doodle until the sunrises and until I figure out what it is I can do...

L'homme de la musique

Though the nights have been cold since the new year, the days have been good to me. Tonight I helped tear apart an old set for the Zion Opera Workshop (ZOW). I really wanted to help out last year with stage crew but my work got in the way. Alas, that will be the same for this year, but I still have two more weeks before school gets in the way. So at 7 Chris and I were off to the gorgeous church for the first work session.

As we began ripping apart the very mattress used in last years "Once Upon a Mattress" I wondered how people could do this every year. So many hours are spent planning and building only to be used for three nights at most and then to be demolished! Each year the backdrop has to be repainted. My arms ache from painting over the castle backdrop. I used a very long painting pole thingy (haha) because I am too afraid of the old ladders. Of course I got paint all over my one paints leg...That is what I get for being TOO careful. A bigger mess just happens!

Now I wonder what it is that they will paint for "The Music Man"? Though I wont be able to help out with the scene changes I will at least be able to design the poster/play bill cover! I made the one for "Once Upon a Mattress" but I was not very pleased with the design. Chris's cousin (one of the directors) liked it though. Before I get to the new one I will have to do research. Not sure what TMM is about. I believe someone told me it is about a man who pretends to be musically inclined. Will have to find out. That is what the wonderful Google is for!

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I am really trying to be more productive with my art for this year. Started working on two pieces since the new year began. The first is a redrawing of a girl I drew years ago. I wanted to see how much I improved. So far the lines are cleaner and the anatomy is slightly better but I am a bit disappointed in the lack of improvement. Drawing was something I did everyday in my childhood, but the past couple of years I have not drawn as much. That is going to change! Starting with this redrawing. As always I am having issues with the one hand. I imagine I will be finished with her tomorrow so she can enjoy her new home on Deviantart. (Going to redraw this image:)
(Circa 2003?)
The second little project I am working on is painting "kawaii" things onto a blue tank top. I am annoyed with the lack of cute stuff I own so I figure I would make my own shirt to wear. Acrylic paints will be used. Hopefully they will work the same as fabric paints. I tend to get acrylic on my cloths often and it does not come out so I think it will work haha. Kitties, bunnies, clouds, sushi, bows, and cupcakes are only a few of the moe things I plan on painting <3

Really want to learn how to sew as well. There are so many dresses/gowns that I would love to make for Sword Tag and the Renaissance Fair. They are so expensive to buy but if I knew how to sew I could get a dress for cheaper and exactly how I want it. The sewing machine is my enemy though...Whenever I have the money lying around (hahaha :( ) I plan on taking a sewing/clothing construction course at Baum. Sadly I do not think that will happen this year...