Outside I can hear the "pitter patter" of the rain when it hits the roof. The sound of the birds mixes with it to create a peaceful little tune. I wish it was raining harder so I could dance in it. I would not make my way inside until I was soaked to the bone and my face hurt from smiling so much. Alas, I do not think it will rain that hard and the neighbors are always watching. They seem to find me queer, and I find them to be loud, rude, and quite arrogant. Sadly, I almost wonder if I should be more like them. Perhaps then I would not spend my days in this house all alone. However, I would rather have my manners and be open minded then to be judgmental and boisterous.
*Sigh* It seems that I do quite long for my old room. Hundreds of little wooden and paper boxes littered my shelves and drawers. Dried flowers were everywhere and incense forever lingered within those walls. Most of all I miss the cobwebs that hung in the corners of my room. Mother thought it was dirty and gross. I however thought them to be rather charming. There is no place for cobwebs here however. I think it might be time for me to leave this place. Though I love it here at the same time I feel sad and defeated within these walls. I try very hard to please him but whatever I do I cannot please my love. I cannot keep pace with him it seems. Perhaps it was silly to get involved with him. He would do much better without me. Still, he made me smile and got me to be more hopeful. He used to call me beautiful everyday and once he told me he cherished me and was afraid to lose me. His kisses were intense and heartfelt. He was a romantic and a gentleman. I am not sure what happened...He has grown tired and bored of my childishness....
My silliness, laziness, and procrastination frustrate him. Even though I have seen nineteen winters, I still do not feel quite like an adult and I try to avoid somethings that all adults must do. I am scared of a lot of things and for some reason I cannot get rid of those fears. My love has tried to help me but he seems rather insensitive most of the time. He does things so quickly and efficiently. He has so many friends and a loving family that are always around. I have none of that. I just want one friend that I can go to anything with and have them do the same for me without feeling awkward. It does not seem that will happen for me though. I should Learn to be Lonely.
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My awkward fingers just want to draw all day. I spend too much time sleeping and not enough drawing. I have so many ideas stirring inside my head and they need to be freed. I want to share my art, but it is misunderstood or found to be mediocre. Everyone speaks perversions about my pieces. They do not understand. I guess I cannot blame them. My mind is a complicated little thing full of beautiful girls, endless green forests, and eternal magic. People let their dream world die too quickly anymore. It is a shame. I will NOT let mine die!
I must finish "The Rose Eater" tonight. It should have been finish and up in my deviantart days ago, along with "The Lead Magician". They should both be up tonight if I am able to get that old scanner to work...
*Sigh* It seems that I do quite long for my old room. Hundreds of little wooden and paper boxes littered my shelves and drawers. Dried flowers were everywhere and incense forever lingered within those walls. Most of all I miss the cobwebs that hung in the corners of my room. Mother thought it was dirty and gross. I however thought them to be rather charming. There is no place for cobwebs here however. I think it might be time for me to leave this place. Though I love it here at the same time I feel sad and defeated within these walls. I try very hard to please him but whatever I do I cannot please my love. I cannot keep pace with him it seems. Perhaps it was silly to get involved with him. He would do much better without me. Still, he made me smile and got me to be more hopeful. He used to call me beautiful everyday and once he told me he cherished me and was afraid to lose me. His kisses were intense and heartfelt. He was a romantic and a gentleman. I am not sure what happened...He has grown tired and bored of my childishness....
My silliness, laziness, and procrastination frustrate him. Even though I have seen nineteen winters, I still do not feel quite like an adult and I try to avoid somethings that all adults must do. I am scared of a lot of things and for some reason I cannot get rid of those fears. My love has tried to help me but he seems rather insensitive most of the time. He does things so quickly and efficiently. He has so many friends and a loving family that are always around. I have none of that. I just want one friend that I can go to anything with and have them do the same for me without feeling awkward. It does not seem that will happen for me though. I should Learn to be Lonely.
***************************
My awkward fingers just want to draw all day. I spend too much time sleeping and not enough drawing. I have so many ideas stirring inside my head and they need to be freed. I want to share my art, but it is misunderstood or found to be mediocre. Everyone speaks perversions about my pieces. They do not understand. I guess I cannot blame them. My mind is a complicated little thing full of beautiful girls, endless green forests, and eternal magic. People let their dream world die too quickly anymore. It is a shame. I will NOT let mine die!
I must finish "The Rose Eater" tonight. It should have been finish and up in my deviantart days ago, along with "The Lead Magician". They should both be up tonight if I am able to get that old scanner to work...
